Right now, I have that feeling in my esophagus. When food is sooo good, you gulp it down, and then your body, between breaths, constricts your food tube, in order to force you to stop eating so fast? It is that painful gag reflux, which remind's us to stop eating so indigestibly hurriedly. But is tastes so good! My god, I am SHOVELING my dinner into my mouth. But it is sooo delicious, and creative, and paired with a yummy cab to wash it down, and most importantly NO FOOD WASTED.

I eat this quickly because I am proud of the creation on my plate. Note to self when becoming a subscriber of this blog, appreciate your food! Be slow in consumption, cooking, serving, and digestion. I know, it is difficult sometimes, because it is so simple, and delicious, and saving the earth one plate at a time, but seriously, avoid the gag reflux pain-I dare you!

I am a healthy, happy (most of the time), working mountain mama who detests wasted food and cooks creatively with mother nature resulting in NO FOOD WASTE EVER! Only creative, nutritious, sustainable eats always to feed my soul, my family, and yours!

Demma My Dear,

I cannot express to you how meaningful our conversation was the other day. I am confident you are taking steps in your life to get to an optimal, joyful point. It's not always easy and happiness is never constant, it arrives in moments that you have to treasure.

Although I've never been dedicated to one religion, I am a very spiritual person. For me, that intersection of peace and acceptance of yourself, and the closeness with Mother Nature or God or the Holy Spirit or whatever you want to call it, is ever-present up here, and I have an inkling that it will be for you too. Come... And maybe this is the something you are seeking.

In all my travels and education and experiences the one thing I have learned is simple, joyful, connectedness is what matters most. No matter where you are in the world, or what circumstances are present in your life, you can find this within you. It is not necessarily moving here that will bring you all the answers, but sometimes a change, albeit a physical move across the country, can serve as that catalyst whispering understanding within you and bringing self-righteous perspective on a grander scale.

To help you evaluate if a move to Colorado is the best next step for you, here are some resources/ links / books etc...:

University of Denver the Korbel School of International Studies

connections to Korbel ambassadors

**Most of these people have graduated, so I can reach out to see who new ambassadors are.

website for the human rights Center

http://humantraffickingcenter.org/

My friend Leanne working in Human Trafficking:

Are you on linked? I can facilitate an introduction via Facebook messenger too!

pictures of inspiration:

good things to know before moving to Denver:

Really think about what you want to do:

Scott Dinsmore live your Legend Pack which spurred me to find my true calling!!!

(This is why I quit my job, traveled (read that!), got into my grad program, and arrived in Summit County working for HC3!!!)

Mark Manson, The subtle art of not giving a f***

Jen Sincero, You are a BadAss

I also read Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling every morning because this helps center me with the bigger brighter mystery of this all.

This is where Ryan and I just moved: DILLON COLORADO!!

Come play with us :)

I also have a story for you Demma, the day after we spoke I was hiking in Boulder County and sat on a rock to meditate and pray for you and when I turned around, I'm not joking there was a humongous Young Buck. (I took a picture!)

I'm not sure if you believe in signs or Spirit Animals but I do and this is what the Young Buck means:

I thought this instance was cool; take it for what it's worth to you my deer :)

YOU ARE ONE YOUR WAY!

See you in Colorado soon!

All my love,

Hallie

Maybe no longer exists, the fact is I am truly obsessed with food. But food after all, is what truly connects us all. Food is ubiquitous. Breathing is involuntary reproducing is involuntary. And so I cook. 1 glass of wine out of time. Truth be told food is my diary and also what keeps me sane. For some reason or another graduate school has completely rocked my soul and the only thing that holds the key is understanding where my food comes from and where this food goes whether that is nursing my body or understanding how food waste contributes to the ecosystem the human capital and the society in which we all seem to thrive. I have signed off of social media. I am resolving to no longer be depressed. More on that later... But I'm going to hold on to the one thing that no matter what I thankfully can count on and that is about full crop in my kitchen and loved ones to share it with. So this blog is for you. I will be open. Bone appetit. This dish may be a bit bizarre. Causes for sipping wine. I also write this orderly meaning the amazing technology of my phone takes what I dictate and turns it into writing. This also means that I have to tell it when to end a sentence... Laugh. You may have assumed this was quinoa but alas I am poor so when I was strolling through Whole Foods today which was the first time I've actually been grocery shopping in over a month since I've lived predominantly off of 3 csa's throat fall. Anyway I was I believe and shopping and both cuz that's the best thing in your book and since I'm in graduate school and I'm really poor I compared to 598 pricing of quinoa to the dollar 68 pricing millet. Okay it's just kind of creepy there's somebody outside tying their shoe and staring in the window I've noticed them but they are moving on okay. Anyway this dish is with millet which I am quoting as the crunchy corny version of quinoa. Maybe I have not learn how to cook it properly yet as this was my first time, but the it like it is crunching. This dish is so delicious though and if I do admit I am a good cook and it gives me a lot of pleasure. Although the Millet is crunchy it absorbed the garlic and the mushrooms and onions I sauteed it with I added vegetable broth carrots shredded broccoli and then top it off with Kim. Perhaps the best part of this dish is the shrimp. Surprised I'm eating an animal sort of is shrimp an animal? The reason I eat meat call me a flexitarian call me a freaking call me a hypocritical vegetarian I don't need a label I'm going to eat what I like and for what I believe in. Meat should no longer be consumed in the fashion of the food system the way it is. However because 40% of the food that is grown harvested and distributed in the United States alone and gets wasted I believe it is also my prerogative to take food that would otherwise be going to waste and eat it. At Whole Foods today I learned that a lot of the food is composted but composting is not good enough. We are fishing our Waters to Extinction and then throwing it in a bin to be hauled off to an anaerobic digester and turned into biofuel I believe that this would have been better off in the sea. So I eat shrimp that is on sale and would otherwise be going to the composter. And the shrimp that I prepared I am 100% delighting in and I know how to cook it thanks to my mom. Olive oil high heat salt pepper throw in the clean deviled shrimp 2 minutes on each side. Add garlic sauté one extra minute and you are done it literally takes no longer than 5 minutes and it's nothing delicious. The garage, no I think that's enough for now have a good night.

Grad school has rocked me deeply.

Deeply.

Meaning evil personalities in me I’ve never felt before are oozing to the surface like boiling, seething lava and

I

am

going

to

erupt.

Boom.

Or implode.

Sometimes I’m so tired only Kaladi Brothers coffee coffee coffee can keep me going.

So tired.

Like don’t talk to me tired.

So tired that, my dog, my fluffy duffus Dilly pup, cannot even make me smile.

And then I just burst into tears spiraling dark molten thoughts of me being a horrible puppy mother because I am dedicating way more time than needed on papers that only one professor will glance at.

Depressing thought.

So tired.

My papers right now will not change the world.

Deflating.

Melting.

I need to be thought provoking, cynical, world changing with the words I type and the reading examples I conjure when all I really want to do is pet my dog. And drink more wine.

And laugh with my friends.

And not feel cognitive dissonance for every little thing.

Every little thing. I cannot drop thoughts of economy, and sustainability, and marginalized populations in anything I do….

Arrrrrg. Its all soon completely frustrating and I feel like nobody understands.

And I just want to laugh with my friends.

But I don’t even have time for my friends.

Sigh.

Feelings of sorrow for myself.

Tears.

And more wine please.

And yoga.

And yoga.

And yoga, thats so sad too.

Boohoo. I have not even had time for yoga lately and that is a travesty. Travesty people.

And I am so happy after yoga class.

Today after teaching I was leaping with glee across the hard word floors in the open studio and I was startled because I have forgotten what exuberance felt like.

Oh it was glorious.

And then I laugh/cried at how ironic it would be to invest $120K in a graduate program that pushes me to cliffs of extreme misery,

and I end up a yoga instructor.

Laugh. Ha. Ha. Sob.

Might happen…..

Oh goodness spriralng, more lava oozing, rumbling, what am I doing with my life?

Why did I come to grad school again?

Why do I pay to learn about how horrible the world is?

And sit next to know it alls who can spew answers of eloquence as if angels were dancing on their tongue.

When I open my mouth in class its like the devil is laughing and gleefully swimming in my word vomit.

I have to tell myself this someday will be worth it.

I have to have faith that I will change the world.

Not just this minute, but someday.

And it may be because I’m a freaking awesome yoga instructor.

And it may be because I help to solve global food waste problems with localized waste solutions.

And it may all relate in retrospect of all that I learned in grad school.

Imagine that!

And I’ll go to work 9-5 every day. And have a family. And I’ll be able to pet Dil and watch him chase the chickens. And then Ryan and I will go exploring in our mountain town. And ski. And be carefree, And I’ll work and play and focus on just making this earth a better earth for my kids to grow up.

Someday.

Daydream.

Ohhhhh, positive thoughts.

Different type of glowing happy bubbly pretty lava.

Frown.

But in everything I read.

We are doomed.

Doomed.

The world is a horrendous place.

I am riled.

Humans take advantage of each other everywhere.

And I have learned this in person traveling the world and simply walking through campus.

And reading peer reviewed journal after journal of catastrophic, hopeless, sometimes complicated and recalcitrant obsession over focused topics I only have time to skim.

Grrrrr. Erupting.

My gut sinks when I admit that in a deep dark way grad school has made me completely ashamed to be human. So ashamed, so dark, so inescapble that sometimes I think I need help.

Or medication.

Or sleep.

Or fun…what’s that?

What. is. that?

I have forgotten how to be fun and hold a normal conversation that does not require a masters degree to understand...

Because in grad school I do not have a life.

At least I am so busy trying not to drown in all that grad school entails that I feel like I do not have a life.

And when I do participate in real life things with those real life friends I have, I assume by their concerned eyebrows that they want to tell me I have changed and I am negative and boring.

And I feel like I just bring everyone down with me.

Tears.

And they don’t understand. And I don’t understand.

And I need more grad school friends who can relate, but none of us have time for each other and it all.

Where did the happy go lucky, intelligent, confident woman I used to be go?

Who am I now?

Does anyone feel like this?

Does anyone understand?

I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y C.R.I.S.I.S

Panic attack.

Spiral.

Oooze.

More lava.

Mehhhhhh.

Breathe.

Pause.

Smile.

The world is also a wonderful place.

And this stage of grad school we are in is temporary.

24 weeks left.

It may seem like a crazy big deal right now all the work we have to do.

And the interning.

And the working.

And the reading. reading. reading.

Blahahhhhhhh!

But this wisdom is shaping us into the individuals who will influence our peers. Reconnect with those friends.

And turns out that molten oozing stress we know of lava now may make this world an even better, more beautiful place than it is now.

You gotta believe that.

And you have to have faith that this academia theory somehow will shape us into incredible, fearless, thoughtful doers.

Who will make real differences.

To those who want or need our help. And maybe some who don’t. And most importantly to ourselves.

We will make a difference to ourselves.

No one can take away what we are learning.

We are the soul shakers, earth quakers, climate change mitigaters, sustainability strategists, global health activists,

security fighters,

freedom lighters,

democratic igniters.

We got this!

Smile.

Read.

Sleep.

Breathe.

Believe in yourself.

Now go do your homework.

And change the world.

Passing an abandoned peach tree on my way to library on a Sat night was a good one I needed to get my research done.

Mind-blown